Now We Are Six

When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five,
I was just alive.
But now I am Six,
I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever. 

                         - A.A. Milne 

I love that poem, it was always one of my favorites when I was a child.  As I sat down to write this birthday message to you, Will and Owen, it popped into my head and of course I had to include it, its totally you!  You ARE as clever as clever, aren't you?  At least you seem to think so these days!  

Six.  Hoooooo-boy!  That sounds pretty old to me.  We're entering big kid territory here, aren't we?  Its pretty amazing to see what you've accomplished this past year and just how very big you've become.  

You've lost teeth,

 

dabbled in new sports,

become more and more curious about the world around you, loving nothing more than to get right into everything to understand how it works.  Especially if it involves getting dirty and if you can convince your friends, like Cooper, to join in!

You're starting to master a new language in French Immersion, and although I know there are days when this whole full day and then homework thing totally sucks for you, I'm proud of the way you stick to it (once the temper tantrums subside and I get some snack into you).  Its hard work, but you're both doing such a good job.  I hope you're equally proud of yourselves and will appreciate your efforts once you're older.  For now, bravo et continuent, mes petits!

 I LOVE how much you're beginning to love books.  Of course your dad and I are total bookworms, so we really hope you'll fall in love with reading as much as we have, and I think you might be on your way.  If you're curious about something, you often ask if we can stop by the library to get as many books out on that subject as possible.  So far we've read about dinosaurs, space, knights and castles and, uh, Captain Underpants.  But seeing you lying on your tummies on the sofa, slowly turning the pages of a book...it warms my heart, kiddos! 

You guys spend a lot of time together.  Although you're in different classes at school, you share a bedroom and are involved in all the same after school activities.  I don't know what it feels like to be a twin, but I do love watching the happy moments you spend together.  Listening to you both concocting plans to build a rocket ship from old boxes, save your sister from alien zombies, attack your sister because she's the alien zombie... its really special and fun.  You love each others' imagination and can be so supportive of each other!  At night I hear you chatting away in the dark, talking over what's happened at school, who you should play with tomorrow, what to do about your alien zombie sister.  Sometimes I go upstairs only to find you both asleep in the same bed, your blond heads touching like they used to when you were babies.  Melts a mummy's heart!

Of course, it doesn't always go quite so smoothly.  You are very, very physical with each other this year, and we've had a lot of tears when one or both of you gets a little too rough.  But I'm trying to let you two sort it out yourselves, figure out how to play nicely, to share, to give each other room to breathe a bit.  Thank goodness we have a house with multiple floors so I can tell Will to go upstairs, Owen to go down to the basement and Elly can run up and down between the two of you to keep you both company!  

But ultimately, it seems that you're relationship with each other is just getting stronger and stronger.  When you're in the right frame of mind, you form quite the team.  You'll be unstoppable together, guys!

We've had our ups and downs this year, for sure.  Going into Grade One has been a difficult journey, but I can see that we're now sailing into smoother waters, and I think we're beginning to find a way to communicate with each other that doesn't solely involve yelling.  I know you're trying, and that means a lot to me.

Your little sister, in case you couldn't tell, adores you both and misses you when you're at school without her.  She reminds me constantly that we need to go pick up "Oh-en an' Wi-yem".  I know she drives you crazy when she messes up your stuff, or when she punches you (now where did she learn that?!), that you often get fed up with her yelling at you instead of just using her indoor voice, but really, I know you love her too.  I see you include her in games, agree to be her baby so she can boss you around and proudly introduce her to your friends in the school yard.  Thanks for looking out for her, guys.  That means a lot to me too. 

Gosh, six, eh? Yes, its definitely scary to see how quickly you're growing up, but man, am I ever impressed with the way you're doing it.  Love you, my lambies, and I hope you know it. 

Happy Birthday, handsome boys. 

 

Pre-Schooler!

I'm in a tiny state of shock, I believe.  Not only are the boys almost six years old and in grade one, but their teensy weensy baby sister, the one I gave birth to, like, uh, yesterday, started preschool this morning.  Yuh.  I know, right?  Shock.

But Elly was definitely ready to go, has been excited about it since before the summer and has been telling everyone and anyone that she's going to 'kool wiv Cayeb'.  Yes, we're pretty lucky, Elly's going to school with one of her BFFs, Caleb.  The two of them were quite adorable this week as we dropped the "biggies" off at school (Abby is now in JK at the same school as Will and Owen, so all three are quite excited to see each other there on a daily basis), hanging out in the playground, holding hands and talking to each other about 'kool'.

We got these two adorable photos of them the other day, and realised even if we didn't get a cute photo of them on the first day of school, these shots would make us happy nonetheless!

So cute!  We love these two together, even if they can be a little on the crazy Alpha Second Born Child side of things from time to time.  Yes, they have been known to brawl a little, but when they play nicely, its so very, very nice.

But back to today.  I did manage to get a quick photo of Elly as we raced out the door this morning.  Isn't she adorable in her new fuchsia pink shoes and hand-me-down backpack (she's so blonde these days she's almost neon.  She literally glows in the dark)?

We drove over to Amber and Jon's house, where their lovely nanny Ginette walked the three bigs over to school (first day Owen didn't cry going in to school!  Woohoo!) and we drove the ten minutes to their preschool.  Thank goodness we've got car seats coming out the ying-yang, we can easily split up who drops off and picks up the kids, depending on everyone's schedules.

 Anyway, the two of them seemed fine going into the school, immediately started playing with the toys they saw once they went in, and once Amber and I had a quick chat with the teachers to let them know that these two were well acquainted and could comfort each other should the need arise, we told them littlies it was time to give us a kiss bye bye.  Elly said "ok" and kissed us both, but Caleb looked a bit stunned at the news and kind of gave us both a strange little kiss as if he wasn't quite sure why we would be asking for one.  Then we waved and walked out and proceeded to spend the next two and a half hours in Starbucks swinging wildly from "What have we DONE?!  We've abandoned our babies!" to "They looked fine, they'll be fine, they were ready for school."

Amber and I drove back to the school fifteen minutes before pickup time so we could spy on the kids in the playground before going to get them.  Needless to say, they were both very happily playing, mowing the astroturf with matching plastic lawnmowers.  It was cute to watch them interact with each other and the teachers and to see them so happy.

As soon as we went to the gate, they both came running over with big smiles, and their teachers told us they'd done really, really well.  Hurray!  Caleb was pretty tired out though and almost fell asleep in the car.  Elly was just excited to get home and eat lunch.  Such a Pergant.

When we picked the boys up from school later on, it seemed only right to celebrate the first week of school with an ice cream cone.  Here are my three very tired, but fairly happy kiddos.  Okay, maybe only Elly looks happy in this photo, but I did try to get them all to smile.  Owen just snarled at me that he was "trying to eat my ice cream!  Stop asking me to smile!", so I took what I could get. 

And now they're all in bed, we have a nice weekend en famille to look forward to and then....we get to do it all again. 

Hopefully, though, next week will see the beginnings of our new fall routine taking shape and some semblance of calm will emerge.  And I will bask in the silence instead of sitting in Starbucks thinking "Where have my babies gone?!"

First Day Of The First Grade

So my guys started grade one today and I'm feeling a little sad.  

If you'd asked me how I was going to feel about today over the summer, I would have said very excited, looking forward to time to myself, getting things done, get these noisy kids out of my hair, etc, etc.  I'd also tell you that the boys being in full days wasn't that big a deal because, although SK was only half days, they'd done full days at their first school for JK.  No problemo.  If you'd asked Owen how he was going to feel about today he would have immediately gone pale, his eyes would have reddened and he would have said not good, I don't want to go, full days are too long, I'm scared of the big kids.  William would have said I'm looking forward to seeing my friends again, what are you packing for snack? 

This morning, they both continued to say much the same thing and although I was smiling on the outside, I think the stressed out child that Owen has become in the week leading up to this first day has taken its toll and I was feeling quite heavy hearted.  Actually, I think I've been feeling that way all weekend, but trying not to show it to the kids.  I didn't need to add to Owen's emotions, that's for sure.  When I went grocery shopping on Sunday to get all the lunch-making things I would need for this week, I suddenly felt quite overwhelmed that the boys would be gone all day.  I had to take a moment to gather myself.  I felt a little silly feeling so dramatic in the cereal aisle, I must admit, but I did a little nod of the head to myself to acknowledge how I was feeling and then moved on to the dairy section.  And then last night, once the kids were fast asleep (the boys were cuddled up close to each other in their sleep, little blond heads touching, it was very sweet), I lay awake for ages, worrying over everything and nothing and trying to plan the best way to deal with Owen in the morning, knowing he was sure to cry.  I thought about how little they really are as well as how big they've become.  Basically, I stewed in my motherly sadness and didn't fall asleep for ages. 

But back to this morning.  We were all organised and ready to go on time, thank goodness.  Mark came with us too, which was great, because we needed him once we got to school.  Before leaving, I took the customary first day photos, along with the first day sibling hug!

 Matching toothless smiles...

 

For those of you who aren't sure, that's William with the blue backpack and Owen with the green. 

 

 Elly decides to get in on some of this hugging action

Drop off was a little crazy in the schoolyard and Owen pretty much started crying two minutes after we got there.  He cried on and off for the duration.  I got lots of sympathetic looks from other parents, but I was quite surprised not to see anyone else crying.  A few pale faces, but no other tears.   Mark took Elly and Will and realised we were all supposed to be in another section of the schoolyard, so we all wandered over there and saw the teachers names taped to the side of the school so we could form lines.  The boys are once again in separate classes, as per our request, so I had Mark stand two rows over with William whilst I stood trying to be a calming presence for Owen in his line.  I hugged him every now and then and explained that it was loud and disorganised today because it was the first day and even the teachers were trying to figure it all out, but it didn't seem to help much.  

Finally, after much waiting, the school bell rang and each class was led in one by one by their teachers.  Except Owen's class because his teacher wasn't there.  I'm not sure where he was exactly, but thankfully the wonderful, amazing principal, Mr K was there and he started to lead Owen's group in.  Owen completely broke down as he saw the kids in front of him walking away, and I hugged him again and gently pushed him along, saying "You have to go, Owen, its okay, I'll see you at the end of the day." To his credit, he did start walking, but he was really upset at this point.  And that is when Mr. K looked up, saw his tears and said, "Hey buddy, you come with me, you'll be my special helper."  I could have kissed the man as he took Owen's hand and brought him to the front of the line.  And in Owen went.  Whewf.  I breathed a huge, heavy sigh as I watched him go in, knowing he was so sad and that I wouldn't be able to help him through it for the rest of the day.  

I turned to William's line and saw him looking a little pale still, but pretty much his usual self.  I smiled and pointed out his lovely looking young teacher and gave him a final hug before he went on his way.  Funny how they're so different.  

Just as I was turning to go to my car, I saw the Principal come back out to the yard and went up to him.  "That was my little blond crying guy you helped into school this morning," I said, "Thank you so much, that meant a lot to me for you to take his hand when I couldn't."  He smiled and told me that as they walked in, he'd said to Owen "Its okay, I cried twice this morning!" and Owen looked up at him in amazement and said 'You did?!" Mr K told me Owen had calmed down once they got through the doors and gave me a reassuring pat.  Thank goodness for the ones that care.

So after that, nothing left for Elly-belly and I to do but go off on our own little adventure to the mall (okay, okay, I bought myself some makeup to make me feel better.  Yes, I am that shallow) and Costco and then come home to eat lunch and wait until we can go pick our favorite Grade Ones up from school.  Sigh.

Is it time yet?

Sigh.  

Why is it so quiet in here?!

I miss my noisy kids.  

Sigh.

How about now?

Before I Forget

Elly thinks robbers (something her brothers are obsessed with right now, as it fits in nicely with their other obsession, superheroes) are called Roberts. So she often flies around the room pretending she's "Soopa-Ehyee" and she's going to "get da Woberts!"

Owen calls napkins mapkins.

William can't say flamingos, he can only say falimgos.

But really, the most important thing for me not to forget is that these little people are children and sometimes they just need to have fun.  I must remember that sometimes I shouldn't try to stop the fun, because fun can be so much more important than rules.  This hit home on Friday night when Mark got back from work and realized the grass desperately needed mowing and it was now or never, since we had a small window in between rain storms.  I'd made pizza for dinner and it was almost ready, but okay, fine, the law needed cutting and the pizza needed to cool before the kids could eat it.

Now the boys love to chase Mark around when he's mowing the lawn.  I think it's the closest they'll ever get to living dangerously.  So as soon as they saw him and the mower, they took off with great leaps and shouts and generally became wild animals.  Our lawn, which hadn't been cut for two weeks due to our cottage holiday (more to come on this in other posts, with pictures, I promise), was shedding its grassiness all over the place.  And the kids were loving it.  They stripped down to their underwear and for some reason known only to small boys, began picking up all the freshly cut, kind of wet, very staintastic grass clippings and threw them all over each other to much glee and even more wild animal-like shouting.  Elly followed behind and did her best to keep up.  Although I do think her shouting was probably the loudest, no surprise there.

At this point, dinner is ready and on the table and I'm starting to feel a little hangry.  Unfortunately for the kids it's also at this point that I spot them rolling around in huge piles of clippings, throwing it at each other and rubbing it into their sister's whiter than white hair and I go a little nuts.  "Stop!" I yell from the back deck, "Stop that right now!"

Well didn't they ignore me? So I got a little indignant and yelled some more, but they were having such a good time and were so thoroughly engrossed in their game of Rub The Allergenic Into My Siblings' Faces that they didn't hear me.  And I was just about to totally lose my mind, stepping a bit further into the garden to physically stop them from having any more of this...this...this...messy fun, when William ran past me, half naked, covered in grass clippings, green knees, elbows and feet whirling around yelling at the top of his lungs, "BEST! DAY! EVER!"

And that was that folks.  How could I put a stop to the best day ever? So dinner was cold and we had to shower everyone and scrub their joints to within an inch of their lives to get the grass stains out? Big deal.  It was a Friday and my kids were out there making memories. Sometimes you have to not forget what it's like to be a child and let the joy happen. 

Gosh, I'm getting a little teary-eyed here.   Can someone pass me a mapkin?

Overheard

Grandpa: "Elly, you have to stop doing everything your brothers do. Be original. Make your own mischief."

Solutions?

So the parenting books I've requested came in to the library today and I'm already impressed with one of them that I flipped through at lunchtime - Dr. Riley's Box Of Tricks. 80 Uncommon Solutions For Everyday Parenting Problems.

What I like about the book at first glance is that  he's separated all your garden variety issues like ignoring, yelling, door slamming & stomping, arguing, "sibling combat", and worrying in to their own sections and each section has at least three different ways of dealing with the issue, aimed at different age groups.  Best of all, the ideas are short, concise and each one has a quick guide at the top that says who to use it on, when to employ and what you'll need.

Again, this has been a brief glance over lunch, but when I looked at the Yellers, Screamers, Insulter, Cursers And Those Ever-Loving Little Mumblers section, I liked two of his ideas.  I have no idea if they'll work, but its better than hitting them over the head with a bag of chopped lettuce (which might have been my reaction last week after a day of five year olds screaming abuse at me. On a side note, its quite fascinating how quickly a bag of chopped lettuce can explode when coming into contact with a hard surface like a head and the dispersal range of said lettuce leaves is equally remarkable.)  I've copied them down here for anyone else who's curious:

Trick: DON'T STAND, DON'T STAND, DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME

Use It On: Children between six and fourteen who've taken to yelling at you but are still loveable at heart.
When To Employ: When you're really tired of yelling back, because yelling doesn't work and it makes you feel bad about yourself to boot.
What You'll Need: That sense of humour that we continue to mention and some cough drops.

The next time your child or teen starts to yell at you, go stand very, very close to her.  Do your best not to laugh.  When she asks what you're doing, tell her since she obviously believes you don't hear very well, you'll stand really close so he doesn't have to shout and end up with a sore throat.  Offer her a cough drop and tell her you love her dearly, but you intend to do this every time she pumps up the volume.  Tell her she should be grateful to you for being so concerned about those precious vocal chords of hers.

Trick: MY EARS DON'T WORK TOO WELL

Use It On: Your basically good kid, aged six to ten, who is going through that phase of thinking he can yell mean things at you.

When To Employ: When you're sick and tired of being told off by your little darling after a long day of cooking, cleaning, working at the office, taking kids to soccer practice, helping with homework, etc, etc.  

What You'll Need: The ability to not overreact when your child says something truly mean.  You'll need earplugs, a list of chores you need done, a straight face and a willingness to follow through, even if it ends up hurting a little.

The first thing you're got to learn to do with kids who develop a tendency to shout mean things at you is not to take it personally.  If you can do that, then you can successfully do the second thing, which is to matter-of-factly mention to your child during a calm period that your ears don't seem to be working all that well anymore.  Say you don't understand why, and just leave it at that  Then the next time your child decides to scream something mean at you, simply "misunderstand" what he or she said.

There are two versions of this trick, a "silly" version that works particularly well with young screamers, and a more edgy version you can use with kids eight and up.  The silly version goes like this:

Child: "I hate you!"
You: "I'm sorry, you know my ears just don't work as well as they used to.  It sounded like you just said you have a cucumber in your nose!  That's the strangest thing I've ever heard."
Child: "No! I said I hate you!"
You: "What?  You just said it again.  I can't believe you think you have a cucumber in your nostril!  That's just weird!"

What usually happens when parents use the silly version of My Ears Don't Work Too Well is that sooner or later everyone starts laughing.  This decreases the tension, and over the long run decreases the hurling of insults in your direction because your child can no longer delude herself into thinking she has achieved some sort of victory over you via volume and nastiness.

I'm not going to retype the edgy version of this here, because it is for older kids and wouldn't really work with Will and Owen, but in a nutshell its "misunderstanding" you kids abuse as saying they want to vacuum the floors or some other chore you need doing and you hold them to it or remove privileges for the day.  If you want more info, let me know and I'll email you the full description.

I like the silliness of both of these ideas, but am concerned that it won't work all that well because I've tried silliness before, or laughing off rude behaviour and have been greeted with physical anger on the part of the kids because they're frustrated that their not getting what they want out of me.  So I think what might happen when I try either of these is that I'll end up getting chairs toppled over or toys thrown in anger.  I think I'll try it anyway and then perhaps follow up with something equally silly like "Woah!  Now there's something wrong with my eyes!  I could have sworn I just saw you tip over a moose", or some such thing.

Anyway, I'll no doubt have to implement this afternoon, so I'll follow up and let you know how it goes!  If there are any more gems in this book, I'll keep you posted on those too.

(Thanks for all the support, by the way, much appreciated to know I'm not at this alone!)

Sticks And Stones And Parrots

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

Did you ever say this when you were a kid?  I used to chant it at my brother and my school friends in an annoying sing-song which probably made my brother karate chop my shins that much harder, just to shut me up (yeah, I could be an annoying little sister, I'll admit it).  But lately I've been muttering this in my head like mantra, trying to calm myself down so I don't physically harm my sons.  Because man, oh man, their words are driving me insane! 

I'm not entirely sure where Owen and Will picked up these words, but for the past few months their vocabulary has widened to include such gems as "jerk", "stupidhead", "stinkhead" and my all time favorite "buttface".  They've also mastered the art of stringing these words together to form poetic sentences as "I hate you, you stupid jerkface butthead stinky stinkface!" and then accentuating their words by throwing something on the floor or punching someone.  Charming, n'est-ce pas?

Unfortunately, I do not react well to these words.  Particularly when they are aimed at me, or rather spat in my direction by a scowling five year old.  I think I can actually feel myself turning into the Incredible Hulk when I hear them.  My teeth clamp down tightly into a snarling grimace, my blood starts to boil, my eyes narrow into slits, steam comes out of my ears, and I think my hair might start to singe at the tips a little as I erupt into a flaming ball of anger.  Its quite impressive.

Less impressive is the impact my anger has on the kids.  Basically, it has no effect whatsoever.  My "YOU DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THAT TO YOUR MOTHER" shouting-rants, the hauling of boys to their bedrooms, the total loss of any privileges for the rest of their lives?  Its as if I'm in a Charlie Brown cartoon and my words were simply "wanh-wanh-wanh-wanh" sounds in the background.  I occasionally get an eye roll and have even had a few "whatever"s thrown at me.  Can you imagine what that does to me?  Like throwing alcohol onto the flames - whoooooosh!  Spectacular eruption!

We keep doing this same awful dance and nothing is changing.  I'm so very, very tired of it and so sad that we can't seem to work it out. I don't want their enduring memory of childhood to be me glaring at them, but its my automatic facial expression these days.  And frankly, I don't really like the choices they're making behaviour-wise so I feel like I'm not really liking them all that much right now.  Love them?  Sure, of course, they're my sons.  Like them?  Not so much. 

I've considered doing a reward chart to accentuate the positive behaviour, but I'm not sure if this is a good idea or if its something they would get bored with quickly.  Owen wants a snorkel, mask and flippers for the cottage this year, and I'd tried to offer it as a reward for not using rude language for the next couple of weeks, but I realise now it was too abstract a time frame for him, with nothing concrete to mark his success.  I've been googling reward charts to see if there are any templates online that I like, but I came across this on mindfulmum.co.uk and am now debating whether it would be such a good idea after all, especially the part about children comparing each other's successes and failures, because obviously that's something that will happen in our household:

There are a few problems with traditional star charts. They only allow you to reward the specific behaviour you have written on the chart, so if your son forgets to make his bed he doesn’t get a star – even if he picked up all his toys instead. It can also be too easy to focus on the empty squares, pointing out what your child forgot to do. The chart then becomes a negative form of discipline instead of the positive reward you had intended.

If you have more than one child it is tempting to compare them, pointing out who has most stars. Even if you never mention it, the children probably will! Again, the child who has fewer stars can lose confidence and view the chart in a negative light. It is tempting to write things like “be kind to Tommy” which can leave you with a dilemma when your little girl is wonderfully kind for most of the morning but less so later on! Finally, a traditional star chart only lasts a week so every Monday morning the child is back to “square one” with a new chart. This can seem unfair when a child worked hard and only just missed out on a prize, the frustration can make them give up.

I've also struggled with the idea of simply ignoring the behaviour, since its quite clearly a "Hey ma!  Look at me!" move, but its just so hard to ignore.  I feel like they need to know its unacceptable to talk to me, or to each other like that, so ignoring it feels wrong.  And when I do choose to ignore the first stage, like rude words or eye rolling (my tongue is permanently scarred from biting down on it so hard), the boys simple escalate their words and actions until I feel I have no choice but to react, and therefore give them the reaction they were looking for.  But how do you ignore them throwing chairs on the ground, or kicking something until its about to break?  It shocks me how angry they are at times.  What the bleepity-bleep are the teenage years going to look like if we're here at age 5?!  And what on earth are they so angry about anyway?

And I haven't gotten to the worst part of all.  There's a little parrot in the house too.  You know where I'm going with this, don't you?  Last week, driving home from the grocery store, there was a teeny little voice in the back seat muttering "buh-face, buh-face" to herself.  I can still see the mark's on my forehead where I hit it against the steering wheel over and over again.  My darling daughter, my two year old, for pete's sake, is saying "stooopid neanie-head mama!" (that's meanie to the rest of you) when I tell her its time to pick up her toys.  Can I get an "aaaargh"?

Does anyone have any advice for me?  Anyone?  Please?  I really don't want to spend the entire summer yelling at my kids or pulling my hair out. I don't want Elly to start preschool in September with the biggest potty mouth (and yet still not actually potty trained.  Oh the irony!).   I know my anger is setting a bad example for them and the hypocrisy of my own temper tantrums is not lost on me.  I want Will and Owen to grow up to be smart boys who respect their mother and show respect for others. I want my friends to come over and think, "cute kids", not "holy terrors".  

In short, "Help!  Help!  Heeeeeeeeelp!!!"

***
After publishing this post, Mark asked me what I was doing on the computer.  I told him about the post and he said "Maybe you should write something positive on the blog for a change".  I promptly burst into tears and now feel extra guilty for not writing all the nice things they've done recently and for writing that I don't like them right now.  I DO, I do, I just....sigh.  I'm tired.  Its the end of the school year.  We need to get ourselves up to the cottage and change the scenery a bit.  I'm really sorry if its all "woe is me" on the blog lately.  I'll try to be more upbeat in the next postings. 

 I will say though, that I don't regret writing how it really is, because let's face it, we have enough "perfect mother" images out there taunting us when we're struggling.  Just bear with me and if you have any advice, lay it on me, because I would love to hear it, and then next time I post something it will hopefully be to tell you we are in a better place behaviourally.