What I like about the book at first glance is that he's separated all your garden variety issues like ignoring, yelling, door slamming & stomping, arguing, "sibling combat", and worrying in to their own sections and each section has at least three different ways of dealing with the issue, aimed at different age groups. Best of all, the ideas are short, concise and each one has a quick guide at the top that says who to use it on, when to employ and what you'll need.
Again, this has been a brief glance over lunch, but when I looked at the Yellers, Screamers, Insulter, Cursers And Those Ever-Loving Little Mumblers section, I liked two of his ideas. I have no idea if they'll work, but its better than hitting them over the head with a bag of chopped lettuce (which might have been my reaction last week after a day of five year olds screaming abuse at me. On a side note, its quite fascinating how quickly a bag of chopped lettuce can explode when coming into contact with a hard surface like a head and the dispersal range of said lettuce leaves is equally remarkable.) I've copied them down here for anyone else who's curious:
Trick: DON'T STAND, DON'T STAND, DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME
Use It On: Children between six and fourteen who've taken to yelling at you but are still loveable at heart.When To Employ: When you're really tired of yelling back, because yelling doesn't work and it makes you feel bad about yourself to boot.
What You'll Need: That sense of humour that we continue to mention and some cough drops.
The next time your child or teen starts to yell at you, go stand very, very close to her. Do your best not to laugh. When she asks what you're doing, tell her since she obviously believes you don't hear very well, you'll stand really close so he doesn't have to shout and end up with a sore throat. Offer her a cough drop and tell her you love her dearly, but you intend to do this every time she pumps up the volume. Tell her she should be grateful to you for being so concerned about those precious vocal chords of hers.
Trick: MY EARS DON'T WORK TOO WELL
Use It On: Your basically good kid, aged six to ten, who is going through that phase of thinking he can yell mean things at you.When To Employ: When you're sick and tired of being told off by your little darling after a long day of cooking, cleaning, working at the office, taking kids to soccer practice, helping with homework, etc, etc.
What You'll Need: The ability to not overreact when your child says something truly mean. You'll need earplugs, a list of chores you need done, a straight face and a willingness to follow through, even if it ends up hurting a little.
The first thing you're got to learn to do with kids who develop a tendency to shout mean things at you is not to take it personally. If you can do that, then you can successfully do the second thing, which is to matter-of-factly mention to your child during a calm period that your ears don't seem to be working all that well anymore. Say you don't understand why, and just leave it at that Then the next time your child decides to scream something mean at you, simply "misunderstand" what he or she said.
There are two versions of this trick, a "silly" version that works particularly well with young screamers, and a more edgy version you can use with kids eight and up. The silly version goes like this:
Child: "I hate you!"
You: "I'm sorry, you know my ears just don't work as well as they used to. It sounded like you just said you have a cucumber in your nose! That's the strangest thing I've ever heard."
Child: "No! I said I hate you!"
You: "What? You just said it again. I can't believe you think you have a cucumber in your nostril! That's just weird!"
What usually happens when parents use the silly version of My Ears Don't Work Too Well is that sooner or later everyone starts laughing. This decreases the tension, and over the long run decreases the hurling of insults in your direction because your child can no longer delude herself into thinking she has achieved some sort of victory over you via volume and nastiness.
I'm not going to retype the edgy version of this here, because it is for older kids and wouldn't really work with Will and Owen, but in a nutshell its "misunderstanding" you kids abuse as saying they want to vacuum the floors or some other chore you need doing and you hold them to it or remove privileges for the day. If you want more info, let me know and I'll email you the full description.
I like the silliness of both of these ideas, but am concerned that it won't work all that well because I've tried silliness before, or laughing off rude behaviour and have been greeted with physical anger on the part of the kids because they're frustrated that their not getting what they want out of me. So I think what might happen when I try either of these is that I'll end up getting chairs toppled over or toys thrown in anger. I think I'll try it anyway and then perhaps follow up with something equally silly like "Woah! Now there's something wrong with my eyes! I could have sworn I just saw you tip over a moose", or some such thing.
Anyway, I'll no doubt have to implement this afternoon, so I'll follow up and let you know how it goes! If there are any more gems in this book, I'll keep you posted on those too.
(Thanks for all the support, by the way, much appreciated to know I'm not at this alone!)
I need to get my hands on that book! I love it! I have to try the "Don't stand so close to me". I have a good feeling it would work. As well a really like the second one too.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this would work on Emily?